“I shouldn’t have decided anything for them” – NBC New York

As parents, we often wonder if we are doing the right thing for our children. No one is immune from such thoughts.

I’ve interviewed hundreds of young entrepreneurs and their parents to learn how they were raised. Most parents who raised very successful adults did a great job.

What surprised me was that many parents admitted that there were some things they would do differently if they could go back in time.

Here are their common regrets:

1. They were too focused on grades and achievements.

Many future successful entrepreneurs studied well and quickly graduated from top universities. Some finished but were unhappy. Others dropped out of college or didn’t enroll at all.

Although education is important, it must be adequate. In retrospect, some parents realized that they would have preferred for their children to thrive, perhaps in a non-traditional environment, rather than endure a costly and miserable four years.

Likewise, many parents recall forcing their children to spend less time doing things they enjoy and more time studying or doing activities that will make them more attractive to a better school.

In hindsight, parents now realize that when their children spent 10,000 hours acquiring skills in something they loved (even though the parents may have thought it was a waste of time), it turned out to be more useful when they started their career. .

2. They felt they were too involved.

Of course we want our children to be safe, but holding on too tightly can prevent them from flying.

I don’t often hear parents say that they wish they could give their children less freedom. Instead, it’s the other way around: “Why didn’t I let them run wild more?” or “I wish they had independence until they went to college. I should have let them do things on their own sooner.”

There are several terms for overly involved parents: helicopter parents who hover over their children and interfere with their decisions; snowplow parents who remove obstacles and difficulties from the path.

Even parents who only did it sometimes regret it. They tell me, “I shouldn’t have fixed anything for them; I shouldn’t have made it so easy for them. They had to learn to solve problems on their own.”

Looking back, they tell me they now understand that sustainability is the key to success.

3. They didn’t give their children enough responsibility.

My personal regret, which I have heard from many others, is that I did not give our children enough chores to do. They needed to make their bed and keep their room clean. But I never asked to wash them; I never asked them to help me in the garden; and, except on rare occasions, I have not asked them to help me cook.

I did these tasks myself because they were very busy and I didn’t want to overload them.

Ironically, they now tell me they wish they had learned these skills in high school! Giving our children more responsibilities around the house not only helps them become responsible, but also teaches them useful skills when they are left alone.

4. They were guided by their own fears of risk.

Many parents have told me that they encourage their children to be careful and take a “safe” approach. They advised them to choose a practical path that “works more often.”

When they saw their children take big risks to start a new venture, or sell what they started, or go in a new direction, or not take a job with a guaranteed salary to achieve their dreams, they were proud of them.

But they wondered, “Did I make them afraid? Would it be easier for them if I told them to do this more often?”

Or if they scolded them when they failed – for a bad grade or for missing a goal – and made their children nervous about taking risks. They now understand that it is impossible to innovate if you are afraid to take risks. And you are only afraid to take risks if you are not afraid to fail.

Even if they did feel that regret, many of these parents also said they often told their children how proud they were of their hard work, regardless of the outcome.

In closing, I want to remind us all: no one is perfect. We all do the best we can, and as long as our kids know that we love them and that we tried our best, they will be okay.

Margot Machol Bisnow writer, mom, and parenting expert. She spent 20 years in government, including as a commissioner of the Federal Trade Commission and chief of staff of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers. joy and purpose, and is the author “Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Children Fulfill Their Dreams.” Follow her on Instagram @margotbisnow.

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